Then Memukan replied in the presence of the king and the nobles, “Queen Vashti has done wrong, not only against the king but also against all the nobles and the peoples of all the provinces of King Xerxes. For the queen’s conduct will become known to all the women, and so they will despise their husbands and say, ‘King Xerxes commanded Queen Vashti to be brought before him, but she would not come.’ This very day the Persian and Median women of the nobility who have heard about the queen’s conduct will respond to all the king’s nobles in the same way. There will be no end of disrespect and discord.
Therefore, if it pleases the king, let him issue a royal decree and let it be written in the laws of Persia and Media, which cannot be repealed, that Vashti is never again to enter the presence of King Xerxes. Also let the king give her royal position to someone else who is better than she. Then when the king’s edict is proclaimed throughout all his vast realm, all the women will respect their husbands, from the least to the greatest.”
The king and his nobles were pleased with this advice, so the king did as Memukan proposed. He sent dispatches to all parts of the kingdom, to each province in its own script and to each people in their own language, proclaiming that every man should be ruler over his own household, using his native tongue.

Contrasting Verses:
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭22‬, ‭25‬-‭27‬
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

When you look around you, do you see the institution of marriage valued or devalued? I walk to work every day and see signs that downplay love. I interact with people who settle for less than God’s best in intimate relationships. I wonder, why do they not believe the one who designed marriage in the first place?

One person says they are going to move in together to test things out. Another decides to cheat on his pregnant wife with a subordinate at work, and then he promotes her over her peers unjustly. Another is taking lots of business trips and reading romance novels full of graphic sexual descriptions and fantasizing about affairs and other things. I have wrestled myself with other sin issues.

We see the men of Persian nobility wanted to control every action their wives made. They wanted strict obedience, even if the commands were evil. And so they legislated out of fear. The women would be cast out and rejected unless they complied. This is a fear-based power.

The Apostle Paul, in Ephesians, presents us with a power based on love and honor for each other. “The greatest among you will be your servant. For those who exalt themselves will be humbled, and those who humble themselves will be exalted.” (‭‭Matthew‬ ‭23‬:‭11‬-‭12‬)

So wives are called to submit to their husbands in a covenant relationship. And husbands are called to love their wives as Christ loved the church.

Is it safe and easy to submit to someone else all the time? No. Is it hard to love someone well all the time? Yes. The world takes the easy way out, preaching fairness doctrines, equality, and rights; and divorces, bitterness, and strife result. Jesus preached unity over fairness, submission over rights, and love over bitterness. And guess what — his way is much more challenging, but much more fulfilling!

Recently, my wife and I went through a challenging time in our marriage. I was not listening and loving her well with all I had on my plate. She was dealing with life in some sinful ways too. But we reconciled. We came together and we sought the help of God and some wise mentors. And now, a few months later, we are thriving in our marriage, even amidst attacks. Why? Because I centered back on really trying to love my wife well and she centered back on surrendering her heart to God’s blueprint for her life and our marriage, which includes submitting to her husband.

God’s design for marriage works. He is so much smarter than we think we are!

Lord, thank you for working through some of the main issues in my marriage. I can’t wait to see how these challenging times will serve to make us stronger! You love us as imperfect and broken people and you call us simply to follow your lead and trust your power to get us through. Thank you!