Formerly he was useless to you, but now he has become useful both to you and to me. I am sending him—who is my very heart—back to you. I would have liked to keep him with me so that he could take your place in helping me while I am in chains for the gospel. But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do would not seem forced but would be voluntary.
‭‭
Paul is starting to present his plan of restoration to Philemon. It is likely there were some rumors or thoughts about what would happen if Philemon ever met up with Onesimus again. Through a little “reading between the lines” here (judging by how cautious Paul is in bringing up this topic), he realizes this might be a significant “ask” for Philemon. Maybe a significant amount of work was left undone or debt unpaid?

So Paul first discusses what a benefit Onesimus has been to him under suffering. He then, skillfully and humbly, asks for Philemon’s consent. Notice this is not approval, as if Philemon was in charge, but an agreement between fellow servants and brothers in Christ.

This is a very good model for me in how to deal with delicate subjects in a polite and thoughtful way. Does Philemon, by the worldly standard of the day, have a right to be upset? Sure. And it is the holding onto our rights with an iron fist, that gives us so many rifts in the church. Jesus sacrificed his rights.

My guess here is that Onesimus also is not really excited about returning to Philemon, either. It would likely be easier to never have to reconcile with him. However, God is not as interested in our personal comfort as he is in our spiritual growth. He loves us and challenges us. He allows us to go through pain and hardship because he wants us to learn to rely on him in bigger and more complete ways!

Lord, you took a man like Paul and gave him the ministry of reconciliation. And here we see he is, by your power, a master of his craft. May I be the same, a great facilitator of reconciliation!