Wives, be subject to your husbands [out of respect for their position as protector, and their accountability to God], as is proper and fitting in the Lord.

--Parallel verses:
‭‭Genesis‬ ‭2‬:‭7‬, ‭15‬-‭22‬
Then the Lord God formed a man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.
The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. And the Lord God commanded the man, “You are free to eat from any tree in the garden; but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, for when you eat from it you will certainly die.” The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found. So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man’s ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the Lord God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

The note in the Amplified Bible I found interesting for this passage: “The wife is to submit voluntarily to her husband (not to men in general); not as inferior to him, nor in violation of her Christian ethics, but honoring her husband’s responsibilities and authority as head of the household.” I think the words “be subject to” as compared to submit add important clarification. It does not always mean agree with. Submission is not forced, but is done in obedience to God and honoring his leadership structure in the home.

Personally, I find my wife and I each lead in our family in areas of strength, with the other following and helping. Examples are providing for our family, raising our children, serving in the community, etc. Every once in a while, a situation will arise whereby a quick decisive response is necessary or at other times we may not agree on a solution. This is when “the working out” of this command to submit or be subject to the husband can be challenging. Especially when the husband's decision does not seem to the wife to be the best option.

In order to understand the important role wives have in marriage, we must go all the way back to the beginning. Our Genesis parallel passage references this. God made Adam and gave him the authority to govern. He gave him the task to manage and work the land of the garden. Basically he was in charge of the known world.

As Adam was working, God decided he needed a helper. He also wanted Adam to name the animals, so he brought all of the animals to Adam. And as Adam looked for a helper, no suitable helper was found among them. So God made a helpmate for Adam, called a woman. The implication is that men are not, in general, self-sufficient in and of themselves. And women bring massive valuable and complementary skills to the marriage which men should encourage and pay attention to.

All throughout the Bible we read story after story where the order in marriage is documented and confirmed:
1) When Abram and Sarai could not have a child, Sarai told Abram to take her maidservant and have a child. After she had a child (and Sarai was dejected and mistreated for not having offspring of her own), she went to Abram to complain. Abram released the decision of how to treat the maid servant to Sarai, who mistreated Hagar, so Hagar fled. This shows Abram’s leadership over the household. He delegated leadership to Sarai. (Genesis 16)
2) Isaac, when entering the land of Abimelech, king of the Philistines, told the men of the land his wife was his sister. The men then felt free to try and swoon his wife. Rebekah did not protest or correct her husband, but submitted to this decision to deceive the leaders. (Genesis 26)
3) Joseph, when Potiphar’s wife tried to sleep with him, rejected her and ran, though she had authority over him. Why? Well, first it was wrong, but he also told her that his master, Potiphar, trusted him and he could not betray him by sleeping with his wife. Joseph acknowledged that Potiphar was master of the house. (Genesis 39)

I bring up these examples, because it is clear both in context and directly in scripture that God designed women, though independent personalities, to primarily be helpmates in marriage for men. And he calls them to submit or be subject to their ultimate authority.

This is a hard calling. It requires a lot of humility. Peter puts it this way:
“Wives, in the same way submit yourselves to your own husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives. Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to adorn themselves. They submitted themselves to their own husbands, like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her Lord. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.” (I Peter‬ ‭3‬:‭1‬-‭6‬)

This does not sit well in a culture that promotes equality of men and women in society in every way. We see this in sports where there is a push to add women into men’s sports and men into women’s sports, though the physical strength of men is typically greater.

These days, to comply with popular culture, I believe, some take this verse on submission out of context in our day and age: “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.” (‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭21‬) This was stated right after a section talking to the whole Christian church about serving each other and loving each other well, and not committing evil. Then in verse 22, he says for wives to submit to their husbands. This acts as a “carve out” to the general church-body-wide “mutual submission” verse. Marriage is different and there are roles and an ultimate hierarchy that God establishes. Viewed as a carve-out, it also agrees with the rest of scripture both in specific verses on submission, in stories about submission, and within creation and how God designed and planned for women to help men in marriage as they lead.

(Tomorrow we will talk about the equally tough topic of the calling of men in marriage.)

Lord, my prayer is that women will embrace the roles you designed for them in marriage and they will thrive in them. This world wants to fracture the marriage covenant. You desire oneness as a married couple, with each partner blessing and complimenting the other. All with your Lordship over the marriage. May it be so!