Husbands, love your wives [with an affectionate, sympathetic, selfless love that always seeks the best for them] and do not be embittered or resentful toward them [because of the responsibilities of marriage].

--Parallel verses:
‭‭Ephesians‬ ‭5‬:‭25‬-‭28
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

So I guess the first question is, how did Jesus love the church?

“The Church” in Jesus’ day was a fractured and fragmented body, comprised of various sects: Pharisees, Sadducees, Zealots, and others. There were different recognized economic and political groups: publicans (like the tax collectors), priests, wealthy businessmen and landowners, foreigners, half-breeds, men, women, and the list goes on.

Each group had strong convictions and wanted to be right and be seen as acceptable. Jesus, however, cut through all of this outward posturing, positioning, and the prevailing focus on a “works” mentality in the church. He cut through by focusing on listening to, caring for, and actively loving people at a heart level.

He worked so hard in the ministry — at times, healing people all day and at other times preaching sermon after sermon. He reached out to the lepers, prostitutes, and tax collectors that many did not like or want to be around. All the while, he traveled all around and ministered to city after city. And then, he was also discipling the twelve he called to be his Disciples.

He was the definition of self-sacrifice. He stood for the truth. He rallied around the underdog, the hurt, the orphan, and the outcast. He called out hypocrisy and challenged the people in the church to think deeper about the principles in God’s Word.

So, I get to be Jesus to my wife and lead how he did. WOW! Such a hard and high calling. Where do I start? I must start by humbly admitting I do not have this all dialed. I am, on my own, inadequate for such a monumental task. I must ask God for help!

I must choose to love my wife affectionately, at all times, even when our relationship may be strained. Over the 24 years of marriage, this has happened at times. I must sympathize with her, though I may not understand all of what she’s going through, and I must seek what is best for her. I must do this regardless of how it impacts me.

I must lead my house based on the word of God, and its truth and calling on our lives. My goal should be to present her as a radiant flower — blooming in splendor and beauty — and honoring God. This means I have to invest in my wife, enrich her, and encourage her as she continues to grow in the Lord and as we continue to grow together.

If it comes to it, I must be willing to lay my life down for her. Not just to die for her, but to sacrifice for her every day, just as Christ did for the church.

Our culture tells us that we need to think about ourselves first. That we should keep score in our marriage. We need to get our needs met by our spouse. But this is not what the Bible says. This is not what God designed for a healthy marriage.

A healthy marriage is, first and foremost, a covenant. This covenant is not just a covenant between the two married to each other, but also a covenant between each of them and God, to intentionally act in a manner that honors him in marriage. It means I go to God frequently and regularly for strength, wisdom, and energy to be a husband that reflects Jesus Christ to my wife.

Lord, I confess that I have not been a husband, at all times, that modeled Jesus Christ to my wife. Please take my heart and my mind and transform them to be wholly committed to being a picture of Jesus in my marriage. Help me to lead my wife with compassion, a heart that seeks to know her, and actions that show her love, beyond what any words can describe. Heal and fill me to lead after your example!