Jesus then left that place and went into the region of Judea and across the Jordan. Again crowds of people came to him, and as was his custom, he taught them. Some Pharisees came and tested him by asking, “Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife?”
“What did Moses command you?” he replied.
They said, “Moses permitted a man to write a certificate of divorce and send her away.”
“It was because your hearts were hard that Moses wrote you this law,” Jesus replied. “But at the beginning of creation God ‘made them male and female.’ ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.’ So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” When they were in the house again, the disciples asked Jesus about this. He answered, “Anyone who divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her. And if she divorces her husband and marries another man, she commits adultery.”
I once knew a man who desired a Mercedes. It was one of his life goals to have one. This was the top of the food-chain in cars to him. It would have meant he arrived if he could have one. He got one and then what? What was next?
Life starts to fall apart when we desire the things we do not have or should not have in the place of desiring a personal and vibrant relationship with God. When our picture of “how life should be” is built by comparing with others or by trying to imagine a life free from challenge or pain … we are seeking after the wrong things and will be disappointed. We also develop hearts that are hardened to God and his will.
The Israelites were seeking divorce out of convenience. When married life got difficult for them (when it required them to bear up under hardship or challenge), instead of embracing the challenge and asking God for help, some of them wanted to bail. They had in their minds what a successful marriage looked like and when they could no longer project success, they quit.
But quitting marriage is not that easy. Marriage is a covenant relationship modeled after the covenant God made with us through Abraham. When we join together in life, in intimacy, in having children — separation is a tearing effect. Are there good reasons for divorce? Infidelity can be one. Physical abuse is definitely another. However, we really need to seek God’s heart in the matter. What is permissible is not always what is wise. I think this is Jesus’ point.
He also says that divorced people who remarry are committing adultery. This seems overly harsh. But I think his point is that his design for marriage is so intimate that it is messy to break apart. And it is even more challenging to remarry.
When we see how, in our society, marriages fail and children are left in the wake, this harsh warning is prudent. More thought must be given to the long-term effects of divorce than to our personal comfort or our happiness in the moment.
Most of the time, we entertain things like divorce when our marriages don’t seem to stack up to those we see around us. And we lose sight of the fact that we are to go to God first to fill us up, not our spouse. A marriage with a strong reliance on God is what we need. Then we look for ways to SERVE OUR SPOUSE more than keeping score.
Lord, thank you for your strong defense of marriage here. It is key to your design for healthy families and relationships. Thank you for all the ways you have grown me and taught me in and through my marriage. May I continue to look for more and better ways to serve my wife, Cherish!
