(About five thousand men were there.) But he said to his disciples, “Have them sit down in groups of about fifty each.” The disciples did so, and everyone sat down. Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke them. Then he gave them to the disciples to distribute to the people. They all ate and were satisfied, and the disciples picked up twelve basketfuls of broken pieces that were left over.

I remember seeing the fall of the Soviet Union, the breaking apart of the Berlin Wall, and other such historic events unfold. When I think back, I was so surprised that these events happened because I was on the outside looking in. I was not privy to the conversations between President Gorbachev and President Reagan. I did not see the play-by play as an analyst on the backend of the oppression and unrest in East Germany. It seemed to me that all of the sudden — BAM — they Soviet Union fell and then Berlin Wall came down.

I think this is a little like how this felt for the disciples. Jesus had already been in touch with God, he was God, and he knew this was his will. So I think he was testing his disciples here and trying to drive home a point: It is one thing to follow a verbal command of ministry from Jesus, but it is still operating without connecting with God’s Spirit ahead of time, to find out his will. It is another thing entirely to have such a close relationship to God that the Spirit moves on your heart to do his will in the moment and, in faith, you trust him with the seemingly impossible. In the first case, they ministered out of Jesus’ command and verbal calling. In the second, Jesus was trying to get them to see a need, and seek God’s will on how to meet this need. Instead, they failed the test.

However, Jesus modeled how to trust God and have this close relationship so they could see it and apply it later. And it may have been so much later, even after he was crucified, buried, rose again, and ascended into heaven. Check out this miracle in Acts by Peter and John. The lame man asked for alms, and instead he received healing. Why? Because Peter and John were in tune with the Spirit of God. They knew he would be healed. “Then Peter said, “Silver or gold I do not have, but what I do have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk.” Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man’s feet and ankles became strong.” (‭‭Acts‬ ‭3‬:‭5-‭7‬)

Am I satisfied with seeing the big spiritual events from a distance, a little removed and safe? Or will I dive in and get “into the works” of God’s plan? Will I draw close enough and be obedient enough to him that his heart becomes my heart and I am confident he will act when he calls me to step out in faith?

Lord, give me a desire to get messy in life with you, to be in the middle of your work and sense your Spirit’s call on my life. I know it means I have to let go of control and safety sometimes. But I know your rewards will far outweigh my sacrifice!